


Way Down We Go

by ComatoseSkyy



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst and Feels, Breakup, Drama, Emotional Hurt, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Emotionally Hurt Magnus Bane, Family Issues, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt Alec Lightwood, M/M, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Mental Anguish, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Pain, Protective Alec Lightwood, Protective Magnus Bane, Protectiveness, Sacrifice, Self-Harm, Self-Sacrifice, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-21 00:50:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17632943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ComatoseSkyy/pseuds/ComatoseSkyy
Summary: Magnus Bane came back to New York two years after the betrayal of his boyfriend. He started by visiting one of the Bars they met for the first time and saw him still working there. Of course, it made him angry. Soon after, he found himself crossing path with him more than he had expected and found the others in a terrible place. It intrigued Magnus. Will Magnus open his heart up or just shut down to protect him from the heartbreak pain again?





	Way Down We Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sznups](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sznups/gifts).



> Hiiiii, Sweeties.
> 
> This is the first of my holiday after 27days a month of working and I get to just write this down. It took the whole day but I really like it so I hope you will enjoy it.
> 
> So I woke up in this morning, found this sweetie Sznups's birthday and read newest fic posted. I felt the pain and I was reminded of this plot I had already had in my mind but yet to write down. After reading the newest fic posted, I knew I had to write this fic down. I don't know why.. but I guess it just reminded me to be written and posted. 
> 
> Happy Birthday, sweetie. I hope you will enjoy it. °˖✧◝(☆▽☆)◜✧˖°
> 
> To all my readers, this fic contains heavy angst and suicide attempt so please, please.. stay away if it makes you uncomfortable...
> 
> Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed reading this fic. （*’∀’人）♥
> 
> ***

***

 

The moment Magnus walked inside the bar, he was hit by that nostalgic feeling. It had been more than two years but nothing much had changed. The smell of sugar and beer, the dim warm light and the cozy environment were all still the same. Some setting arrangement of the seats were changed but it still gave him the feeling of the old classic bar he liked. There was also a bartender preparing a drink on the bar facing him his back. Magnus gulped, wondering if it were the same person he had hoped and hated to see. The figure looked right, but how was he still be here after all those shameless things he did?

He walked towards the bar, his exaggerated velvet coat ruffling the edges of the wooden seats he passed by. He pulled a Stool chair from the chair and his rings flashed in reflection under the dim light. He took the seat, trying to be comfortable and saw the bartender turning back to him as he finished making the drink. He faced him with the cocktail bottle in his hands, still not looking up at him but poured down the crystal clear red alcohol into a cocktail glass, accessorized with a cheery and a small umbrella on top skillfully. Magnus stared right at him as he recognized the man.

The man was called Alec/ Alexander as he called, neatly dressed with body clinging white shirt and a black waistcoat made wonders to his body which seemed fit yet slightly unhealthily pale and thin. His black hair was longer than he remembered and covering his eyes which were supposedly hazel but green in the light. He could see his bare plump lips which were so irresistibly kissable. He drank the sight of his lips, his pale skin, his sharp high cheekbones... He drank the sight of everything he could as he had not seen him for a long time.

Then, he looked up, meeting his eyes with his dreamy greenish hazel eyes. The bartender man’s eyes widened and his mouth hanged to form a small gasp. He seemed lost for a few second. Magnus didn’t falter his glare. A few second later, the paler man sighed and averted his stare from him. He grabbed the glass he was working on to the bar counter to hand it to a waiter.

“What can I get you, Mister?” He breathed through it. Magnus’s heart clinched at the words.

“Just my regular.” He answered. The bartender just nodded and prepared the drink. It was a complicated and sophisticated one but he was handling it like he hadn’t forgotten the instruction from two years ago other than Magnus noticed his hands were slightly shaking. He finished it with a silent sigh and pushed the drink towards Magnus.

“I just came back to New York from Chicago yesterday. I didn’t think I would see you here.” He talked, taking a sip. Oh, it was as sweet and delicious just as he remembered. But he didn’t taste the burning alcohol so he looked at the bartender with his one eyebrow raised.

“Have you forgotten how to make it? This isn’t my regular.”

The bartender didn’t reply. He ducked his head and blushed as he could see his cheeks and ears reddened. That made him angry. How dare he still blushed adorably from his sentence. Was it on purpose to make him notice more?

“You should not drink alcohol.” He quietly replied. Magnus was at a loss of words. He was acting as if he cared. Like he cared. He left him to die because of that two years ago. He sold him off back to his parents.

“How have you been doing? A-are you getting better?” Finally, the bartender asked, his voice small and trembling.

Magnus sighed at it. If this was giving him all those mixed negative feelings- anger, sadness, betrayal.. it was a mistake to come here tonight.

“I am better. I got kidney transplant two years ago. It saved my life.” He answered and the other one nodded, averting the eye contact and started wiping glasses with a towel. Magnus wasn’t looking at him either. He stared at his drink sadly, recalling the memories of how that drink and bartender used to be the highlights of his nights a couple of years earlier. He was young, free, beautiful, rich and happy. He was still all of those, except the last one. He was never happy again after the love of his life betrayed him and left him when he was diagnosed with a life threatening disease. The man was no other than the person standing in front of him.

Magnus was silent. He remembered the time when he first walked into a bar because of Camille, his abusive ex. They were happy at that time. They laughed, they talked a lot, they dated, they had sex and they drank all nights. One day, Camille had asked him to meet her in a bar, this bar and he reached there first- meeting the prettiest bartender with hazel eyes. He was tall, dark and handsome. He had caught his eyes and before Camille reached, he ordered a few drinks and they had a small nice conversation. Then, Camille appeared from behind, kissing him full on the mouth in front of the bartender. He had never forgotten the slight hurt and wounded look in his eyes. He felt bad but Camille was his current lover. It wasn’t like he was leading him on.

“I thought you would move out of New York.” Magnus harshly commented.

“Clearly, I haven’t. “He was replied with a husky chuckle from the other. That made him angry and mad. How dared he still laugh about it. “Here am I.. still here.”

“Well, that was shameless.” Magnus couldn’t suppress the anger anymore. “After all of the things you did to me.. After all the betrayal, you still have you still not had enough? I have to say, Camille even has some dignity to save herself.”

His words clearly hurt him. He saw him gasped and his eyes immediately became shiny with water. He looked like he had been slapped across his face by Magnus’s words. It backfired too because he felt his eyes immediately turned hot. Oh no, he was going to cry. Get a grip, Magnus. He blinked away the tears and pulled down his wallet to draw a couple of hundred notes. He slapped across the table for the drink and left the bar immediately.

“Good bye, Alexander.” He mumbled, hoping he would hear him and the other one did.

Shit, he wanted to cry. If only he had turned his back to look at the bartender, he could have seen the boy wiping away his silent tears brutally with his palm.

***

Magnus blinked waking up in his luxurious King sized bed in his penthouse. He gripped on his white bedsheet blankly. Too white, too clean and too foreign to him.. It did not feel like a home. What it made him feel like a home? An old apartment, barely so small with one bed, a bathroom, a kitchen and a small living room with a balcony. The apartment was painted with cream colour, everything was neatly organized and well-maintained by a tall, dark beauty. The owner only had a few necessary furniture and stuffs he needed but it was so cozy enough but he found himself going there more than his penthouse. His bed was a queen-sized with an old, inexpensive, soft mattress, perfect for two if they slept snuggling. He would wake up late in the morning and would always be greeted by smell of fresh brewed coffee and a healthy breakfast. His favourite would always be the smile he was greeted everytime he walked out of the bedroom.

Magnus stared at his white ceiling and remembered how they had promised each others about the future. The beauty was called Alexander. He lived alone. No family. No friends. He worked as a bartender. He met him once in the bar he worked as and became a regular. He liked the drink he had created for him. They talked, got to know each other during his dating time with Camille. Sometimes, their talks were about happy things, but sometimes was just his rant on Camille about how hard and painful she made things for him. Alexander was there to comfort him everytime he felt down.

He got out of the bed, clothes-less and without bothering to put any pieces on. He walked into his bathroom, stared at the mirror to see himself. His hair was messy, but he still looked good. The gold-green eyes once shined with happiness and enthusiasm had died. He noticed himself having more of pokerface most of the time and he didn’t feel much rather than nothing, that was until he saw Alexander again yesterday. He felt full of anger and hatred. He wanted to hurt him so bad. He wanted to place a knife in his chest to let him know how painful his heart felt when he left him. He stared at his golden-bronze body toned with abs and thought of who wouldn’t like it.. well, apparently, money was more than him. No one could love him more than money. Even Alexander chose him when he met pain, suffering and poverty being with him.. while he hopelessly thought that being together was enough and when he was foolishly happy being with Alexander. There, there was the scar on his lower abdomen from his transplant. It was ugly and served as a reminder of his fiancé’s betrayal... He sighed, washed up and put on his comfortable cotton dress-shirt and lazy pants.

“Magnusssss!!!” Camille came in and walked in straight into his arms. Her strong perfume smelled so sharp to his liking. Camille was beautiful and smart but she was manipulative and twisted like a snake. Trust him. He knew. But after he became diagnosed with kidney problems and went back to his filthy rich parents’ hands again, he had to see her as soon as he recovered, been arranged for marriage between Bane corporation and the Belcourt group. His father had set it up and he had no say again. _You have to suffer if you want to live._ He thought. _That is what he would do and will survive._

He gently patted her back as an appreciation and tried to pull himself back from her. She giggled sweetly and grabbed his face, placing a kiss on his lips before she let him go. Magnus took it with a inaudible sigh. He wished to be in the arms of the tall and sweet man he once knew and loved. He wished for the lips of his sweet plump lips. He longed for him. He hated himself for wanting someone who left him. He left him when he needed him the most. He was unwanted and chosen over. Yet, he still would like to be with the one very very much. For fuck’s sake, cut out his heart and throw it in a river because it hurt a lot.

Magnus walked over to the kitchen counter, his fingers brushed across the cold marble table top. He prepared a few slices of tomatoes and some fresh cucumber, put on a pan to the stove for some bacon and eggs with a glass of orange juice. He had been trying to eat healthy, just as the same meal someone had made for him.. but something was always missing. He could never get the taste right.

“Aren’t you also making breakfast for me?” Camille smiled sweetly, with her hands on the countertop and beaming at him, trying to look adorable. No one would have been able to resist her pleads but he got over it, actually. He was done.. so done with her.. and everyone.. Everyone had failed him in some way.

“Oh, I thought you would eat before you come here.” He shrugged. “There are food in the fridge. Feel free to make it yourself.” He smirked and took his breakfast plate to the living room. Camille’s smiled faltered and she waited on the kitchen bar while he was eating. She was trying to snuggle with him but not when he was eating. He knew she found it gross. How was he to ever form a home with her when he knew they had never been meant to be together? But the situations were all according to his father’s plan. He was to comply to it and hoped that he did not have to marry her at all. He felt his clock was ticking and that marriage bomb could drop anytime. Camille was rushing.

He finished his breakfast, egg and bacon toast with salad with his hand and pushed away the plate as he lazily draped himself on the couch. He just wiped his hands with a tissue paper and grabbed a remote to change the channel. He also knew Camille’s brightly coloured lips twisted with disgust when she saw he just wiped his hand with tissue. Good. It ought to keep her away a little further. Soon, Camille just sat on the couch he was leaning on but with a little distance between them.

“Anyway, I came here today to take you out for my shopping.” She acted cheerful brightly. “Your father had been so kind to me. I helped him with his financial report of this month and he was so pleased that he said I can ask you to go shopping with me. C’mon, Magnus. It is going to be fun.”

Magnus closed his eyes painfully. She drew his father card and who was he to say no? He barely was able to make it back to New York after all those begging to his father. Finally, the Belcourt wanted to open a branch in New York and that was why they were sent back.

“Alright.” He sighed. He knew she was going to spend all the money in the card like a care in the world. But it was his father’s money anyway. He hated them both. Why the hell not.

***

After Camille was satisfied with her shopping, she decided to go for a drink. She begged that one more drink and they would go back so he agreed. To his shock, it was the bar his ex-love was currently working. He just hoped that he did not have to see Alexander’s face during this because he thought he might not be able to take it anymore for that day. To his horror, he was working there and he just had to deal with it.

When Alec looked up to the customer, it was a surprised to see Magnus again in two days and with his abusive ex that he used to tell him about. Not to mention that Magnus had insulted him over her. Under Magnus’s study, he just did his job as usual, asked them what drinks they wanted and gave them exactly what they had asked for. Well, not exactly.. when Magnus took a sip of his drink, he still found no taste of alcohol. He did not add it again. He was acting as if he cared about him again.

Camille was blubbering how happy she had been during the shopping trip and how excited she was for their coming honeymoon. Magnus sighed and his focus was on Alec. Of course, they were talking on the bar stool. He could hear every single words. He looked sad and hurt. Good. Someone he left because having no money was now a fricking rich person and he might have been regretting. He hoped it hurt. He hoped it was Karma. When Camille asked for another drink, she noticed that he was staring at the bartender way too long. She put up the pieces together.

“Magnus, Oh my god, is it the bartender you used to hang out together?!”She shouted with amusement which made both men to look up with surprise. Magnus’s face darkened and Alec’s face went red. He looked like he wanted to run away from the spot.

“Stop it, Camille. No, he is not.” Magnus replied back, gritting his teeth.

Camille studied his pained expression and smirked. “Yes, he is. Look at you, all worked up. He left you when you got sick and became in debt with medical charges. What a shame.”

“I said stop it Camille.” Magnus stared shouting.

“Here, see this ring? He is my fiancé. I am getting married to him. You tried to snatch him from me but we will end up together anyway.” She mocked at Alec, who took the insult with nothing but silence. Magnus stared at the scene with all the flames in his mind. He hated both of them and both of them were together in the same place and same scene. He just felt so angry.

“Ma’am,,, please lower your voice. We have other customers.” Alec replied politely in restrained voice.

“I will get to spend with him to eternity, I will get to wake up with him and I will get to spend everything he has. How does that sound? It is everything you wanted, right?” She mocked at Alec, starting a fight at him. At this point, Magnus could not see anything but darkness, blinded by the anger he had built up for two years. He wanted to punch her so much. He hated her for making him fall in love with her, dumping him when he found a prince of some country, coming back to him after the dating with the prince did not work out and he was at his lowest of the point, having nothing but betrayal. If she hadn’t cheated on him, he would never find out how amazing and lovely Alec was. He felt like a fool. Everyone was pissing him off. So he threw his arms and pushed away all the glasses on the table counter top including theirs as well as the others.

“Get out. I said Get out, Camille.” He said coldly at her. He could see her shaken because of his action. Then, there was a drunk person clearly not so happy that he spoiled all the drinks at counter so he shoved away Camille between them roughly and landed a punch at Magnus. Magnus, also as fueled and mad as he was now, punched right back at him. He might have punched him more than a couple of times and then, his mates came in to join. There was chaos. He punched a lot of people. He was punched back. When he fell on his back, at a corner of his eyes, he saw Camille picking up all of her shopping bags and ran away from the bar. He felt continuous punches. It felt good. It was better the pain in his chest. When he was expecting another, the person on top of him was grabbed abruptly off of him with a punch. He saw Alec getting out of behind the bar and punched the guys who punched him.

Alec fought off other guys who wanted to hurt him. Magnus stared at the scene on the store blankly like why did he has to help him? Was he hoping something? Or couldn’t he just simply endure the scene? He sighed with exhaustion and let himself fall into sleep. He did not care anymore if he was going to die. The shopping was tiring.

***

He woke up in a familiar yet nostalgic feeling of a bed. He woke up to see the worn-out grey stripped black sheets and three pillows. He was in a cream coloured room with minimal accessories and furniture. A working desk with an old laptop at the foot of his bed and a small wooden wardrobe. The pillow smelled like apple from the apple scented shampoo Alec had used and Magnus just wanted to cry. He shot out of the bed with the recognition that he was in Alec’s bedroom.

He was still dressed in his jeans and light purple shirt, just his jacket draped across the handrails of the chair. He picked it up immediately and walked out of the room, just stopping in front of a mirror to see himself. There were a few bruises on his face from the punches yesterday. As he was walking out, he smelled bacon and eggs on a pan and he was stopped by a shy murmur.

“Hey..” Alec, who was busy in the kitchen stopped him. The apartment was small so he could see him walking out from the kitchen.

Magnus cursed and turned his face towards Alec. He looked at him and there were a few bruises and bleedings on his face as well. Probably from last night. “hey..” He replied.

“How are you feeling are you feeling okay?”

“I am good. Thanks.”

There was a silence but when Magnus took it as it was his time to leave, Alec talked again.

“I made breakfast. Would you like to have some before you go?”

Magnus looked at the plate. It was looking as healthy and as delicious as he remembered.

“No thanks. I am going now.”

Alec ducked his head. “okay..” He replied.

Magnus walked out but his heart was telling him to stop and that it was wrong. So he cursed himself, turned his face towards him again.

“I don’t get it. Why did you save me last night?”

“I…..”

“Is it because you felt guilty that you left me? Is it because you wanted something from me? Is it because I am back and rich again?” He asked unkindly. He wanted to be blunt. He wanted to hurt him. He wanted explanation that Alec never betrayed him. But he was just silent.

“I trusted you, Alec. How could you? Those months were a lie. I should have remembered that I am unlovable before falling in love with you. That no one would ever love me sincerely.. “

“You are not unlovable, Magnus.. I- I..” Alec walked towards him, almost trying to stop him from leaving. Magnus felt like he was going to drop the L word but he couldn’t take it now.

“I don’t believe you.” He held up his hand to stop him from getting nearer. It worked because Alec stopped midway, hurt. “I am leaving. Thank you for yesterday, I suppose.”

He left the apartment with a heavy heart. He almost wanted to cry because the apartment still made him feel like home. The first night he had been in the apartment was the night when Camille broke his heart. He saw him kissing another man, almost naked in his old condo room and he had kicked both out, locked his condo and ran towards Alec.. Alec was there to comfort him. He drank so much and walked out of the bar fully drank and passed out on the street. Alec, after his shift, had locked out the bar and found him. Being a kind-hearted soul(or as he thought), he took him back to his tiny apartment and gave him his bed, greeting him with such a rich and healthy breakfast and a shy smile that made his heart go all crazy.

Then, they went out, went on all those sweet dates, stayed at Alec’s apartment for movies or hanging out. Alec did not show interest when he found out he was the son of Bane corporation. Magnus believed that it wasn’t matter to him and that Alec was such a sweet, kind-hearted, simple-minded person that he swore to marry him one day. The time he spent with Alec was the happiest, most meaningful and comfortable time of his life.

Six months after dating, his father found out he was dating a bartender man and that he refused to an arranged marriage. His father was furious. He was raging and as young and stupid as Magnus was, he left his father, house, card, car or anything he owned. He walked towards Alec, explained him everything and Alec just embraced him, telling him that he chose him too and that it would be okay.

There wasn’t any more luxurious life for Magnus but he was happy. He couldn’t find any job currently yet but Alec worked so they could live on. Then, Magnus joined the bar, as a waiter so that they could spend time together more. He could see him happy but often said it pained him to see Magnus working with him when he could be so much more. Magnus disagreed, thinking that just being able to spend with his angel was enough.

Then, it happened. After 6months of being together, he felt unbearable pain in his lower abdomen or his back. Sometimes the pain was too severe that he could not even get out of bed. Alec rushed him to a hospital and found out his kidneys were failing, as a result from his partying/drinking habits since he was a teen.

Alec worked so hard to comfort him. The medications were so expensive that he had to use up all of their savings and he needed to work double shifts. Magnus was left mostly in the hospital alone. Then, he started being upset that Alec had to leave him alone in the hospital. They had problems but Alec tried his best to comfort him, explain him that he needed to work to get the money or that he would take care of him. He remembered falling asleep in his strong arms after a late night outburst were the best. He was selfish and self-centered. He didn’t look at Alec’s side.

Then, the disease got worse and the pains were frequent and unbearable. The doctors said he had no chance of recovering unless he goes for a kidney transplant. They did not have money for such a major operation so Magnus opted to return home. He had a fight with Alec and Alec cried in his arms that he was never losing him. It was his time to comfort Alec and he held him gently. He told him that he was happy already that he got to spend the time with him. Magnus finally gave him the silver ring he saved up, working as a bar waiter and that he was the best thing ever happened in his life. Alec broke down and cried so hard in his arms that night.

The next few days, they returned home and Alec looked upset and clingy. He was starting to become overprotective and fussy. Magnus tried to endure it but his insecurity got over him and they started fighting again. When he was laying down in his bed, upset and teary, Alec silently went under the cover and hugged him tightly, silently crying. He remembered clearly.

“I don’t want you to die.. Magnus..” he cried in his arms.

“I know. But we have no choice..” Magnus sighed. “People dies everyday. It is okay, Love. I am okay.” He leaned in to kiss Alec’s forehead gently. Alec shook his head and hugged him more tightly.

“Do you trust me?” Alec asked.

“What? Of course, after all these times, how can I not? You are my fiancé.” He chuckled, wanting to place another kiss on his lips.

“Then, don’t forget that I love you, Magnus. Don’t you ever forget that.” Alec whispered in his sobs.

“I love you too, love.” He whispered back. “You are my heart, Alexander. I love you so much.”

Alec cried in his arms and Magnus could just embrace him. He could not put how much he loved him into words. Growing up lonely as the only child in luxury, struggling with Alec together was meaningful and he wanted more of this life. He was perfect. Magnus held him close to his arms, snuggling and thinking how lucky he was to be able to meet him before sleep had claimed both of them calmly.

Then, he woke up in a high class hospital with his father looking worriedly at his side.

“Father…” Magnus gasped. “Wh-what happened? Where is Alexander?”

“You mean the man who sold you off? He told me where you are and asked for a price. I had to settle with him, gave him what he wanted and had to get you, Magnus.”

“Lies, what did you do with Alec? Where is he?!!!” Magnus screamed, unable to register what had happened. Alexander wouldn’t do this to him. After all of this, he wouldn’t do it to him.

“Magnus, that boy betrayed you. I have CCTV footage of him coming to our house and bargaining with him. Here!! Lokk if you don’t believe me. Magnus, it was very wrong of you to leave the house because of that boy. After all, he was after your money.”

Magnus saw the video in his father’s phone. Alec entered their house and met with his parents. They were talking. The date and time showed it was correct according to information stamped on the video. It was the time he was supposedly sleeping. Magnus fall back onto the bed with a sob. It was the worst moment ever. After he let his heart out and proposed him, he was still treated like this.

“It is okay, son. Don’t worry about anything anymore. Just take some rest. Your surgery will be scheduled soon…”

Magnus did not reply anything to it. He had wished he would just die in the surgery.

***

He lived. He fucking lived out of surgery, recovery days, earful scolding of his parents and hellish months of reuniting with Camille. He made a mistake once by choosing Alec and getting betrayed in return. He could not afford to make another. So he sucked up all his emotions and tried to be the person his parents wanted him to be. In the process, he felt he had died inside every single day. He coped with everything until he met Alexander again. He turned his world upside down, threw all of his efforts into the river and unmasked all the emotions again. His heart beat so fast, his felt anger boiling and his heart longing whenever he saw him.

Then he saw Alec again later, working as a waiter on an event. He was invited as a VIP guest and Alec was working there. Of course, Camille had to tag along by his father’s order too. Alec looked so poorly, exhausted, pale and thin that he looked like he had been struggling. A part of Magnus wondered if the money his father had offered him had not been enough.

“hey, boy..” Camille stopped him who was carrying a tray of champagne glasses on purpose. She stared at the tray he was carrying and smirked. “Get me a strawberry martini,”

Alec frowned. “We don’t have str-“

“I said Get me a strawberry martini.” Camille repeated, raising her voice to catch some attention. Some people looked at them and Alec felt uncomfortable with the judging stares that went upon him. 

“I will check with my supervisor, ma’am.” He talked and tried to walk away. Camille threw herself on his path purposely and he had to dodge immediately. Magnus grabbed his hand immediately to stop him from falling but failed to care about Camille. She fell to the ground on her hips and the tray Alec was carrying fell from his hands near to her as well. There were sounds of Camille screaming from the fall, glass shattering, Camille again because of the glasses shatters around her but Magnus could only emphasize on him.. he was touching Alec. The love of his life was in his arms. If Alec ever apologize to him, nothing mattered anymore. He would strip all of his pride away and be back on his side.

“Apologize.” Magnus stared at Alec, not letting go of his hand futile to Alec’s attempts. Alec was shaken but his eyes turned towards Camille still screaming around the pieces of glasses. He opened his mouth to apologize and Magnus knew Alec thought he made him apologize to Camille.

“No. Look at me. Look at me and apologize to me that you left me when I was suffering.. when I needed you the most.” He tightened his grip on his wrist and Alec winced but he stared directly back. He could see the determination in his clear hazel eyes.. The shade became dark brown now..

“No.” He replied and broke free of his grip. Magnus was shocked and he let go of his hand. There he was, heart-broken again. Alec positioned himself to be steady on the ground. He took off the apron on his waist and walked back towards the entrance where the event manager was waiting for him with a stern face. Alec walked behind him with his head held high. Magnus just stared at his back, a lot of thoughts running inside his mind.

***

Magnus looked at some report of their company’s new project. Supposedly, they were bringing an old building down to build a new condominium. The views and location were so great that they would make a lot of profits when the project ended. He looked at the contracts of the building and its occupiers. They would have to evacuate the building by next month in order to start building the new condo. There was a slight problem. An occupant was not willing to give up his apartment. So they took measure and tracked his financial status and situation to find a weakness. They found many. He was in some serious debts indirectly to them and only paying for the monthly interest and some amount. They were using it to remove him from his apartment. He felt sorry for the owner.. It was not fair to him but it was business. There was a bigger problem. It was the building Alexander lived in and the person was him.

So far, Magnus had called his best friend, Catarina and talked it all out about his situation. How much they had loved each others, how Alec betrayed him and now how everything was in chaos seeing him again in New York. She had tried to comfort him but it wasn’t successful. Being a fair person that she was, she even took side of Alec and Magnus liked that because nobody took a side with him. Even when he was ranting about the ex-lover who betrayed him, he did not want others to agree with him completely. It was nice talking to her of all of his problems but Cat had to finish some business so they hanged up with her promising that she would immediately call him back again. Magnus peaked inside of their contract manager’s office. Alec was just in a meeting with him for the project. Knowing the same result of the outcome, with heavy sigh, Magnus just sat out and listened to their conversation from his office room.

“You can’t do it to my apartment. It is the only thing I have left of my family.” Alec yelled, denying to sell the apartment to pay off his debts.

“But your debts are overdue, Mr.Lightwood. They can’t have you only paying off the interest. They need solid money! And you just lost your bartender job.”

“Look, I will get that money. I will even sell off my organs if I have to. I can’t.. I can’t sell my apartment. Not like this. My- my family.. We used to live in there together.” His voice cracked and Magnus even felt a pang in his heart.

“All of your organs would not make it to 1.2million dollar cost of you apartment, Mr.Lightwood. If you agreed to it, you would be clear of all of your debts from two years ago and you would even have a few hundred thousands left in your bank. Please. It is a good deal.”

Alec wiped away the tears falling on his cheek. He seemed stubborn but he looked so small and broken that Magnus felt sorry for him. But the project needed to be carried out, as directed by the state government. There was nothing to be done. So in hope of consoling him, Magnus entered the meeting room, clearing his throat for attention. Both of the pre-occupiers looked up, Alec froze on the spot seeing him, tears still staining on his cheek.

“Magnus..” He whispered silently. It might have been the first time he said his name out loud.

“Director.” The contractor manager greeted him. He held up his hand as an appreciation.

 “Thank you, Ellias. You can go now. Let me take it from here.” He left with a nod as a response and there were only two of them now.

“Was it you? Was it you who cleared out everyone in my building to build a new building?” Alec asked, silently crying with his hoarse crack voice. “Why? Is it because you hated me?”

“No. It was business, Alexander. We are just doing what we were told to. The government wanted new condominiums and it is a great business spot. There is nothing you can do. Agree to the terms.” Magnus tried to speak softly.

Alec shook his head. “What if I say no? It is my family’s apartment. It is the only thing I have left of them. Please don’t try to take it away from me. Is- is there anything else I can do?”

“I am sorry. You can’t. If you don’t agree to it now, you will be forced out of the building. Listen to them and take the money while you can. It is the best for you. Otherwise, there will be law suits against you and you would not like it.”

Alec chuckled and later, fall into a sob. “Magnus Bane.. You always have a way to make people notice you, listen to you and agree with you. I knew I already lost when you spoke the first sentence earlier.” He wiped away his tears abruptly. “It was like the first time I met you. I knew I am already lost since the day I saw you.”

Magnus stared at him. He wanted to pull him in his arms, comfort him, told him that he still loved him and he would always be there for him. But he didn’t. He stared at Alec, gulped sadly and just looking sympathetic... It wasn’t what Alexander needed right now but he didn’t move.

Alec pulled out a key from his backpack. With shaky breaths and silent tears, he sighed on the contract sadly. He stared at his signature one last time with grieve and pushed towards Magnus, eyeing him with loss, crushed and heart-broken. As his fingers moved, he could see he was wearing the ring he gave to him as a proposal before he sold him off back to his parents. Why was he still wearing that?!

“You win, Magnus Bane. You win. I have nothing left now..” Alec mumbled in tears and got up from the seats. Magnus also got up from the seat to send him off to the elevator but Alec already took a few steps towards the door.

“I am really glad you are fine, Magnus. You look healthy. You get better. You didn’t have to struggle anymore. You are a director of a big organization now just like you deserved to be.” Alec wiped away the tears on his face and smiled widely for the first time since they had met two months ago. The smile was pure, sincere and innocent. For a second, Magnus forgot how to breathe. That was his Alexander. He needed his Alexander now.

“Do you remember the words I told you two years ago before we separated? Because I meant every single words there. Good bye, Magnus. Thank you for everything. I hope you will enjoy your life..”

Alec stared at him for one last glance, pulled the door handle and walked away quickly. Magnus was just there standing, his feet rooted on the floor.

***

He fell back to his chair. He felt so lost, hurt and incomplete. It was a mistake to let Alec run out of his office. He needed him back. He needed to talk to him. If he had loved him that much, why could he not overlook a betrayal and forgive him, if it meant he would be by his side again?

A call interrupted his deep thoughts and he was annoyed. Just as he reached out to end the call, he found out it was from Cat.

“Cat…” he answered in a small whisper.

“Magnus. I found it. I have something to talk to you.”

“Listen to me first, Cat. I saw Alec earlier. I hurt him. He was crying. I hurt him like no one else could. I am the director of a project which is going to destroy his home.”

“Magnus.. what?!” She screeched.

“Magnus, listen to me. I was finding evidence to prove you that Alec was innocent. I found it. I was there when Alec came to your parents’ house. I was in your room, finding a museum project detail we worked on. Alec was there to beg your parents to save you because he couldn’t see you dying. Your parents agreed to that only when he would cut off all the ties between you both and that he would never speak to you again. Alec agreed. That is how you live, Magnus. You are alive because Alec begged them to save you and agreed to them. It was never about the money! He didn’t take anything from them..”

“Why did you never tell me about it, Catarina?” He gripped on the phone so tightly. His voice was shaky with anguish.

“Your parents asked me never to speak of it. I have to respect Alec' choices too. Now it is different. Go, Magnus! Please, please.. go after him. Alec was only trying to protect you. I can see how much you love him by saying how much you hated him. You felt hatred because you loved so much. You still love him now. Don’t lose him.”

“I will.” Magnus cut his call. For a moment, he fumbled around Alec’s files on the table.. to search about his debts two years ago. It was all from medical bills.. concerning with Kidney association. It was all because of him. He pushed him into the debts and he was running around free and angry while Alec was still paying off his debts. “Ellias! Take all those employees and find Alec Lightwood. I want him found in my office. Search the security cameras and find out where he went. I want him safe and sound, you hear me? Take as many employees as you can. Everyone get out of the office and find me the last occupier of the Brooklyn bridge project.”

Then the office went chaos. If using employees for his own benefits was wrong and disqualified him as a director, he did not care anymore. Everyone went outside of the building to all over Brooklyn to search him. He asked private investigators immediately as well to find him faster. Minutes to hour passed. He immediately rushed to Alec’s apartment too but it was locked and no sign of people since Alec had left in the morning. An hour turned to two. The worry in his mind grew bigger and bigger, torturing him in every seconds. He went to every possible place Alec would have been, or every single place that they went together. He was nowhere to be found.

Then, he realized he could search at a special place where he asked him to be his boyfriend. With a beaming smile, Alec squeezed his hand and said yes. It was on an old deserted building rooftop where they could see the stars shining brightly. They spent the night together on the rooftop and had such a calming peaceful time there.

Magnus stopped his car in front of the building, without caring his car would be towed or not. He took the stairs, running fast as he couldn’t wait for the elevator. By the time he got there, Magnus was huffing. But he was rewarded with a view of sunset and a sight of a picnic. Someone was there. It was just like the time they had their first official date. The person was sitting on the roof, with his legs pulled to his chest and facing to the sunset, leaning onto a wall tiredly. He smiled recognizing that it was the clothes Alec had worn earlier.

“Alexander.. I have finally found you.” Magnus tried to initiate a talk but he cursed himself when the other did not reply. Was his precious baby still angry at him? Was he still sulking? Alexander was a gentleman with a big heart full of kindness but when he became angry and sulked sometimes, he could be pretty childish and it was adorable. “I- I finally knew the truth from Catarina. Why didn’t you tell me earlier, Love?”

Still no response..

So he walked closer to him, gently crouched down beside him. Alexander’s eyes were closed, swollen from crying and his long lashes resting softly and covering his beautiful hazel eyes like a protective field. He wondered if he was tired from all of those crying and fell asleep. He gently put his hand on Alec’s arms, trying not to scare him but to wake him up. Because he needed to talk to him now and apologize to him for everything he had done to hurt him. He shook him gently.

No response…

“Alexander… Alexander.. Darling..” The older man called out gently with a few shakes on his shoulder. He was getting worried now so his grip on his arm was a little tighter. His head rolled forward and backward on his neck and an empty pill bottle rolled out from his closed hand grip earlier.

Magnus’s eyes widened in fear. He immediately pulled Alec closer and grabbed the bottle to read the context. It was sleeping pills and if he had taken all of them, Alec’s life could be in danger. He immediately pulled out his phone to call an ambulance and screamed their location. He had no idea when he had swallowed them. Four hours ago? Or Two hours? Alec was still breathing, but barely… Magnus was so scared that his breathing would cease before the time the paramedics arrived.

He pulled him in his arms, hugging him tightly. He felt tears running down on his cheeks and he could not bother it anymore. “Hang on, darling. Hang in there.. The ambulance is coming.” He whispered.. He pleaded. “Please, please.. Alexander. Don’t leave me.. Don’t leave me again.. Not like this. I can’t lose you again. There are so many things I need to talk to you.. so many things we wanted to do together but haven’t done yet.. We still haven’t got married yet. Please.. please darling, Forgive me.”

He leaned down to kiss his forehead gently, crying and praying to all the Gods that his love would be saved. The medics were coming. Alec was still lying unconscious in his arms. He was late. He failed to comfort him and stop him from taking his life. He hurt him too many times and did he ever bother to look at things on his side? No! He was focused on how hurt he was, and in the process he forgot to give others a chance. How hard his life must have been to take his own life like this? His Alexander, his sweet Alexander can’t leave him like this.

He sobbed while he gently caressed his pale face. He always forgot to comment how skinny and unhealthy he looked and how tired he might have been. He wanted to make up for all of his mistakes. He would do everything for him. He had loved him so much. Then, how could Alec try to leave him? The answer was clear. He had never voiced out his side enough after the incident. He had never expressed how much he loved him after their encounter again.

 “Please, please.. Alexander.. I am sorry I hurt you. I am so angry and blinded by my assumptions. I loved you so much. I still do. Open your eyes. Please, stay alive. Please give me a chance.” He begged.

The sun was setting. He heard the sound of ambulance on the ground. It felt so close yet so far, so out of his reach. Time was running out of their hands. The world was still ongoing, as it would still fine even without Alec or him.

The world might still be ongoing without them but he could not continue surviving without him again. He hoped and prayed all of his heart that his Alexander would give him another chance or he would stop living. If Alec’s heart ever stopped beating, this time, his own heart would just follow him as well. The fate should just stop toying their hearts around because both hearts had already been broken into pieces too many times.

 

  
***

**Author's Note:**

> ***
> 
> So this is the longest one shot I have ever written in one sitting. I hope you will enjoy it, sweeties.  
> Please do leave a comment below. （*’∀’人）♥


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